Autumn leaves

A chronic conditions is nothing but persistent. Despite my best efforts to look after myself it keeps returning. It is so good at demanding my attention and forcing me to be still.

I have come to realise that going down the path of wondering
- what did I do that may have caused the condition to recur!
- Or what did I not do, that I could have or ought to have done to look after myself better and therefore prevent the symptoms from recurring!
is being unkind to myself.

I can and do use medication to help alleviate the symptoms when I am not able to function. But the symptoms keep coming back. There is also the fear, what if the medication stops helping some day. So rather than relying just on medicine, I have been looking for other ways to help myself that focus on the root cause of my condition.

Despite my daily practices of Reiki, Meditation, Yoga the symptoms have been getting more persistent.  It is not easy to be grateful and stay present for all that is unfolding in my life when I am struggling to breathe. Yes I suffer from asthma.  I cannot help wishing it away.

Over time, I have learnt to organise my life in such a way that I hope will minimise the probability of symptoms recurring. I am realising that with this approach my life has been constricting. I find myself not able to do all that I would really like to do. In other words, I have been allowing the chronic condition to rule my life. Slowly and steadily it has been controlling my life more and more.

Rather than letting the chronic condition be in charge, control me and making my life shrink, what if it is there to serve me. What if I have had the wrong end of the stick all these years! What if I can figure out the reason it is there for by asking the question ‘How is this chronic condition serving my life purpose at this time?’

I know that it is not easy to get answers simply by asking a question. I find it helpful to connect with the breath as best as I can, taking a few breaths with awareness to help synchronise the body, mind and spirit. I feel this helps me to be present in the moment and in the body. Just as I need to be at home to be able to receive a parcel that I am expecting, I need to be present in the moment and the body (home for my soul) to be able to receive the answer ie the healing I need. This may come as light, strength and wisdom I need to be able to move forward on the path of my life purpose.  After all this is the reason I am here – in this body, in this lifetime.

Being able to see my chronic condition in this light gives me hope and helps me feel empowered instead of a victim.

With deep gratitude for my daily practices of Reiki, Meditation and Yoga that have helped bring me to this space.